What Is the Best and Safest Gay Dating App Alternative?

In a world where we have constantly seen the dating landscape change since the introduction of dating apps and online dating, it really is no wonder why we are constantly seeing people look for alternatives in their individual dating journey. This is largely due to more and more people getting jaded by the constant swiping left or right to find their person. The problem is, we are finding more and more people becoming disillusioned with this approach due to being time poor as a result of busy lifestyles, or more often than not due to just getting fed up with the whole process. How many times have we clicked on a profile to either find out they aren’t what we expected or the profile picture is 10 years out of date? We've all been there and felt that feeling of ‘what a waste of time’. So, we go straight back to the app, look at it with resentment and start mindlessly swiping left and right once again.

The other difficulty we face is safety. This has been well documented across all media platforms with safe words being introduced in pubs and clubs. The reason for this is quite simple, something so pure as finding love has suddenly become a hunting ground for scammers. In 2023, the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau (NFIB) received 8,036 reports of romance fraud which amounted to over £92m being lost, with an average loss per victim of £11,500. It’s worth remembering that these are only the reported instances—I’m more than confident that is just the tip of the iceberg as we feel a sense of shame by being caught out. This new data comes as the City of London Police marks World Romance Scam Prevention Day on the 3rd of October. When we think about the fact there is now a World Romance Scam Prevention Day it shows the serious and risky business dating has become, and with the rapid expediential growth of AI allowing anyone to become anything, it really has become a dangerous dating platform. 

Online Dating Fraud: What Techniques Are Being Used?

Fraudsters use a range of techniques to groom, isolate and manipulate their victims using fake personas, gaslighting, coercive control and an unhealthy emotional dependence. This, in turn, is backed up with fabricated narratives and false documents to name but a few. We have to remember that this is their job, and they are very good at it. Detective Superintendent Gary Miles, from the City of London Police, said: “Despite being a 6.7 per cent reduction on last year’s reports of 8,710, romance fraud continues to have devastating emotional and financial consequences for victims across the UK. Many victims of romance fraud are meant to feel that they are alone and that they are at fault, however the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. Romance fraudsters rely on the kindness and compassionate nature within us all, where highly manipulative and coercive techniques are used to exploit this for their own gain. Romance fraud can result in people having their hard earned savings wiped out, in tens of thousands of pounds in debt and also, in some extreme cases, having to remortgage their homes. We endeavour to continue the fight against romance fraudsters both in the UK and overseas, so people can not only protect their money but also prevent long-term emotional psychological damage from callous criminals.”

Kathy Waters, co-founder of Advocating Against Romance Scammers, added: "Romance fraud should not be a silent crime. The stigmas surrounding the scams are from the lack of education and awareness pertaining to how the scams are formulated and executed. By providing ongoing education, and tools for romance fraud prevention, countless romance scams can be interjected. World Romance Scam Prevention Day is a great day to recognize how many are here to help, and remind everyone they are not never alone!"

The Association of Certified Fraud Examiners (ACFE) wrote about the dangers that the LGBTQ+ community faces. One of the scams they highlight as being directly associated with LGBTQ+ is to try to convince their intended targets to send compromising pictures or messages and then threatening them to send them to friends and family unless the victim pays. Advice given by the FTC is never to send money, not to anyone you haven’t met in person. Do a Google reverse search on the profile picture—you might just be surprised at what you find. 

This has seen people starting to turn their backs on this incredibly unpredictable dating platform, and what once was thought of as being unlucky to get scammed is now seen as being lucky not to get scammed in one way or another. The other thing that has overridden all this is the hopelessness we can feel in our quest to find a partner with which we can build a long term relationship with. When all our effort leads to another no show, or just a bit of fun, we find ourselves back to square one feeling like we will never find that person who reflects our relationship goals, needs and wants—we put our phones down and think that's it, I’m done with this—until the overriding basic need to find a loving partner takes over and we find ourselves reluctantly reaching for our phone and starting the whole process once more! It’s funny, in life we constantly do all we can to protect our identity from being stolen—we shred our paperwork, put security in place across our social media platforms, phones, bank accounts etc, but when it comes to dating apps we share everything from location, occupation, phone number, and more. What’s worse is we actively share our most vulnerable self, our hopes and dreams. This is what these vile scammers are looking for and we just provide it. The reason? Love is a basic need and we automatically feel safe.  

What Are The Alternatives To Online Dating?

So, what alternatives are out there if we want to look at other options to find love away from the apps? I read an article in the Guardian that talked about four alternatives to finding love away from the apps, and they were: 

1. Organising Single Dinner Parties

These can be fun, although if we're honest, most of our friendship groups tend to know each other. 

2. Dating Docs

These resemble a personal ad, a dating CV if you like, known as ‘date me’ docs. Again, the problem with this approach is we are yet again showcasing our hopes and dreams up to the world which, if we’re not careful, will lead to fraudsters getting hold of our details. 

3. The Pear Ring

This is a ring that is worn to identify to other single people that we are available. The problem with this approach is nobody knows what this blue coloured ring means, and those that do have maybe done a bit too much research on the matter. 

4. Dating Friends

This is the final option offered in the article, and while we can suddenly find love in our friendship groups, the likelihood of this given we have known most of our trusted friends over a long period becomes increasingly difficult. I guess we can still meet people organically in pubs and clubs, or in the supermarket. I’m sure there’s nothing more romantic than looking in someone’s basket and thinking ‘they look like a bit of me’…  although, I’ve never met anyone who this has happened to as of yet!

Personal Matchmaking: The Best and Safest Way to Date

The other option is looking at a personal matchmaking company. We have seen all of the top TV dating programmes use this approach, such as I Kissed a Boy, Coming Out For Love, The Ultimatum: Queer Love, Married at First Sight, Love Island, First Dates… the list goes on and on. The reason? It works. TV programmes use matchmaking for the good and entertainment. We can often see in the matches that some are for long-term relationships, others just for our entertainment. Either way, it is a tried and tested approach that precedes any dating app out there—the reason is because done properly, it really does work!

So, how do personal matchmaking services work, and do you have to be on your guard when looking at these options? Absolutely! Look to ask questions about the service they provide, ask about their database, ask about their success, and most importantly of all, ask about the security measures they put in place to protect you and your identity—because quite simply, they need to make sure they are safeguarding you. Most authentic companies will be all too ready to give you this information, proud of how they will keep you as safe as possible in your journey to find your person. They will check residency, fraud, financials, and most importantly of all, that they are who they say they are by using verification and authentication systems that really do remove anybody looking to infiltrate their database. 

The other benefit of using a professional matchmaking agency is you are not alone. Often, when we approach dating, especially if we have found ourselves lost on online dating, it can be quite lonely, and having your own personal matchmaker can be a huge benefit as you navigate finding the one. The advice, guidance, and support that you receive can often be the difference to finding someone and not. If your confidence has been knocked and you are under the impression that you will never find that special person, it can become overwhelming. Again, having someone outside your circle can give you a fresh perspective on things and help you open yourself up and remove the walls that keep you safe, but also single. 

Overall, what was once a very organic thing to find has become increasingly difficult for us with the changes to work patterns and social patterns, along with heavy workloads that keep us extremely busy, but there are options out there for us to find love and find it in a safe environment. Whichever way you look to find your person, make sure you are doing it in the safest way possible to protect yourselves, follow basic dating guidelines such as telling a friend where you are going, what time, and always have them ready to give you an out when needed. At the end of the day we all deserve to find love, it’s what makes us human—the important thing is to be aware of dangers and always look to approach it in the safest way possible. 

If you’d like to learn more about how professional matchmaking may be able to help you, then why not give Gay Relationships a try? We’re a dating service that really puts you first, taking the hard work out of dating through carefully curated membership options, whereby you’ll work closely with your very own, personal matchmaker. Let us guide you on your journey to find love—fill out our easy contact form today!