As a gay person coming to terms with your own sexuality in this heterosexually-dominated world, I’m sure you will have faced different difficulties along the way, from the outside world but also from the people closest to you. But now, after facing those adversaries, while staying true to your sexual orientation, you now find yourself settled in a fantastic relationship. The key now is to make sure it develops into a secure long-term commitment, where both you and your partner feel secure and engaged with each other. So here are a few tips to keep that spark alive!
1. Make an effort every day
After the initial lust has subsided and we settle into our relationship, taking our partners for granted is something we can all do from time to time, but it’s so important that we continue to ‘show’ the love we have for our partners every day. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture, just a cup of coffee in the morning with their favourite breakfast, a compliment about the way they look will often be enough to let them know we care. Small, regular loving gestures daily will mean far more than the odd grand one.
2. Maintain your own identity
An easy thing to say, I know, but often when gay partners come together, like heterosexual couples, you can find yourselves doing everything together, finally happy to have found that special person who understands your wants and needs. While this is lovely, you need to make sure you both maintain your own identity. A healthy relationship needs breathing space in order to keep it fresh and interesting – you may be head over heels in love but having something different to talk about is so important to long term love.
3. Be transparent about your sexual preferences
Always be clear from the start of your relationship what your preferences are – top or a bottom, Dominant or Submissive, it’s so important to not be someone that you think your new partner might prefer as it will become unsustainable in no time at all.
4. Work on your emotional intimacy
Ok, the sex has been mind blowing and intense when you first got together and while being a hugely important part of a relationship, it’s not the glue that will lead to a long term relationship. Having and building emotional intimacy is vital. Take the time to truly get to know your partner – their fears, pleasures, past and future aspirations, it really is so important to building a strong foundation to a loving relationship. Understanding your partners sexual needs is great fun, understanding your partners emotional needs is paramount.
5. Make sure you leave the past in the past
Now you find yourself in a heathy relationship, eager to put the effort in to make it a sustainable long-term relationship it’s now time to leave the past behind us. Taking baggage from difficult and sometimes toxic relationships will eventually damage your present one. If need be, reach out and invest in some counselling sessions, allowing you then to truly leave the past behind you.
6. Schedule in a weekly date night
Now you’ve found that connection and built a strong bond it’s important you don’t let complacency or time restraints start to creep in. Arrange a day where you can both commit to an evening, put down your screens and properly ‘check in’ with each other emotionally. Make sure that you are both moving in the same direction and at the same speed, be honest as often when there are slight differences they are easily addressed, whereas if they’ve been allowed to fester, they can lead to bigger issues further down the road.
Always remember how grateful you were that the universe connected you together, never let that feeling slip away and you’re well on your way to a successful long term relationship.